Real-Life Examples
Fay grew up without a father. The idea of not knowing her father has become a daily challenge for her, often coming up in conversation with her coworkers and friends. Many nights, Fay stays up, wondering what her life would have been like if her father had been present during her childhood.
Cedric has moved from small group to small group in his local church. Each time he settles into a new group and begins to share his testimony, all the members seem to shun him and break off regular communication. He doesn't seem to fit in, regardless of where he goes.
Mollie often feels an empty void when she comes home from school. Her mom and dad work full-time jobs, meaning nightly dinners are always with her nanny. Mollie knows her parents love her, but she never feels emotionally connected to them or presents when they are not working.
Key Thoughts on Abandonment
Feelings of abandonment are our soul's response to being left or deserted by those closest to us. These feelings often occur in seed form during the developmental years of our lives (ages 0-10) and develop the fruit of emotional wounds, unwanted sin patterns, and spiritual and emotional conflicts in the later years of life (ages 11-65).
Abandonment is additionally characterized as the result of:
Strained relationships that result in isolation and the numbing of the heart/soul (mind, will, emotions).
Continual family and relational tension.
Emotional, mental, and spiritual disconnection from God and others.
Immature behavior from a key member of the family unit that is domineering, emotionally destructive, or dismissive in nature.
A key cause of the pain of abandonment in our lives is the presence of malfunction within our family unit. The family was the first institution (or foundational bond) that God created in the world, according to Genesis 3. However, though sanctioned by God, the family is not spared from the consequences of sin. Malfunctions within families (that empower negative influences of abandonment) look several ways:
Silent Parents who choose passivity rather than establishing proper boundaries to the benefit of their family and children alike.
Severe Parents who participate in behavior that tears down the bond of their family. This behavior could be abusive or inappropriate in many forms.
Sabotaging Children who exhibit rebellious and uncontrollable behavior that is destructive to themselves and those around them.
Secluded Children who ignore their problems and withdraw from emotional pain in hopes it will go away.
Superior Children who employ a mindset of "saving" everyone else for fear of losing control of the things that matter most to them. (Perfectionism and orphan mindsets often develop as a result)
I have seen the focus area of abandonment manifest in many different forms in the lives of countless people I have ministered to.
The below examples are a few of my observations:
Dependent Abandonment is characterized by the overbearing burden of submitting to others' demands, being swayed by others' opinions, and feeling insecure about one's identity.
Defenseless Abandonment is characterized by a lack of guidance, resolution to conflict, discipline, and accountability.
Disordered Abandonment is characterized by problems, indecisive emotional states, and disconnection with those closest to you (mother, father, siblings/friends).
Dominant Abandonment is characterized by a critical and cynical lens of engaging with life; it reflects an internal narrative of fear and a calloused heart.
Personal Review Questions
What specific things (events, memories, personal circumstances) make you feel abandoned?
Can you control these factors in your life? Yes or no? How so?
Describe a time in your life when you felt most abandoned using three descriptive words.
Whenever you feel abandoned, how do you choose to respond? (Describe your emotional response)
In what ways have you coped with this negative emotion in your life?
How would God think about you feeling abandoned?
What would He say to you from His Word about being abandoned?
What would He say to those who may have made you feel abandoned?
What would He say about your identity as you feel abandoned?
Are there any lies you are believing about God's Word, your identity in Christ, or God's promises to you that may be influenced by feelings of abandonment?
Praying for Breakthrough from Abandonment
As you apply the 4 Biblical principles used to pray for freedom from abandonment, know that you are partnering with the finished work of Jesus on the Cross to bring freedom and healing to your heart. The Holy Spirit is present within you as you pray, providing guidance and direction according to God's will. With this assurance, you can know that your Heavenly Father hears your prayers and that He will answer them according to the good and loving nature of His heart.
You may pray aloud, using each step below:
REALIZE: "Lord, I confess sins and feelings of abandonment. Would you show me the first time I experienced this negative influence?"
RELEASE: "Lord, please show me who I need to forgive for influencing abandonment in my life. I choose to forgive (name of person) for (what they did or failed to do). It made me feel (share your painful emotions with the Lord). I release (name of person) from all harm, debt, and judgments. I choose to bless them."
"Lord, do I need to forgive myself for how I responded to this negative influence?
"Lord, am I holding a judgment or unmet expectations of You as I experience feelings of abandonment?"
REPENT & RENOUNCE: "I repent for every way I have partnered with abandonment. In the name of Jesus Christ, I renounce my agreement with abandonment and every effect it may have on my life (past, present, and future). I renounce all influences of abandonment, including desertion, isolation, loneliness, neglect, unprotection, and self-pity. Lord, I choose to hand abandonment to You."
RECEIVE: "Lord, what do You want to give me in exchange for the abandonment I have given You?" (Ask your Heavenly Father what He wants to give you in exchange for the renounced focus area.) What truth do You want me to walk in, based on Your Word, Your promises to me, and my identity in Christ?" (Write down and give thanks for the truths that you received from the Lord!)
Scriptural Truth
"I look for someone to come and help me, but no one gives me a passing thought! No one will help me; no one cares a bit what happens to me. 5 Then I pray to you, O Lord. I say, "You are my place of refuge. You are all I really want in life. (Psalm 142:4-5)
"Even if my father and mother abandon me, the Lord will hold me close." (Psalm 27:10)
"He was despised and rejected—a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief. We turned our backs on him and looked the other way. He was despised, and we did not care." (Isaiah 53:3)
"For I endure insults for your sake; humiliation is written all over my face. 8 Even my own brothers pretend they don't know me; they treat me like a stranger. 9 Passion for your house has consumed me, and the insults of those who insult you have fallen on me." (Psalm 69:7-9)
"For God has said, "I will never fail you. I will never abandon you." (Hebrews 13:5)
You can break free from every negative influence present in your life! If you want to go deeper into the spiritual and emotional wholeness that God has for you, check out my book, Encountering Abba’s Heart, or use the purchase link below.
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