Real-Life Examples
Johanna was afraid; her husband, Aaron, had always struggled with controlling his tongue whenever they argued. Last night, things had escalated so far, and He had said so many unkind things to her, including bringing up hurtful labels from her childhood. Johanna knew she couldn’t take much more of this behavior. It had to stop.
Clair had never really shared with anyone the horrible things that had happened to her when she was six years old. She had promised never to talk about those painful moments with anyone. However, each night, she would wake up in a panic, recalling in vivid detail the degrading encounters with her older cousin. Clair thought she had forgotten, but this painful secret was becoming too much to bear.
Walter didn’t know what to do. As much as he enjoyed his discipleship small group, lately, he noticed his small group leader, Chad, was increasingly controlling his time and demanded to know everything he was doing when he was not with the group. Last night, Chad shared a dream with the group that he believed each member should only ask him for spiritual advice and no one else in their local church. Walter felt confused. Surely, Chad was a good guy, but this character went against everything he knew to be Christ-like.
Key Thoughts on Abuse
According to the APA Dictionary of Psychology, abuse is defined as interactions in which one person behaves in a cruel, violent, demeaning, or invasive manner toward another person. This is most seen in physical mistreatment but can also apply to actions of a verbal, emotional, sexual, and spiritual nature. (dictionary.apa.org/abuse)
Additionally, religious studies have shown that over 73% of Christians in church have experienced abuse of a physical, emotional, verbal, spiritual, or even sexual nature at some point in their lives. Our experience of abuse often builds an emotional and spiritual framework of feeling defeated limited in our relationship with God and others. Abuse directly affects our identity (the defining representation or label of our soul—mind, will, and emotion.) At its core, abuse is from the enemy, as it intends to destroy our self-worth, inner peace, trust, optimism for the future, and the internal sense of hope that all humanity has been created with from our Heavenly Father.
I have personally witnessed the display of wounding (labels) and ungodly beliefs that have become the narrative of those who have suffered abuse. I have listed some examples of these labels below:
“I deserved the abuse I received.”
“My worth is based on what I do. My mistakes only prove my worthlessness.”
“I cannot trust others because they hurt me before and will hurt me again.”
“Everything is worthless, including my life.”
“I cannot bear to be alone, so I will stay with my abuser.”
In many cases, abuse follows specific stages, with each stage causing the non-abusive person to become deeper and deeper intertwined in the loss of their God-given identity in Christ and accepting of the false “abuse-empowered” identity. The below list has served as an ongoing cycle of the stages of abuse that many abusive victims have received freedom and healing from through the ministry of prayer:
Pressure: during this stage, the abusive partner displays emerging signs of abuse, including behaviors that increase in intensity and frequency. Non-abusive partners become the recipient of tense behaviors such as irritability, impatience, shortened temper, and emotional reactions. The non-abusive partner may also experience influences of anxiety, with the desire to appease and prevent an abusive event.
Pain: in this stage, the tension from the first stages comes into account with the abusive partner seeking control through many of the following actions: threats of violence, breaking of material possessions, sexual violence, physical violence, spiritual manipulation, humiliation, social isolation, or emotional degradation. The non-abuse partner becomes bound to the effects of the abusive partner’s actions and retaliations.
Peace: in this stage, the abusive partner may feel the need to make amends for the past abusive action from stages one through two. Often, apologies, promises, and empty affection will be offered to reconcile the relationship. The non-abusive partner will often feel inclined to trust and believe the actions of the abusive partner in hopes of seeing reconciliation in the relationship.
Pacify: in this final stage, many experience a shift from apologetic behavior to excusing behavior. The abusive partner may minimize the wounding behavior with the intent to justify, diminish (gaslight), or shift responsibility for the initial abuse. The non-abuse partner will feel confused due to the underlying relationship tone of dismissal and rising tension.
Freedom and emotional healing from the chains of abuse occur through the practice of proper boundaries.
Boundaries are the habits and patterns that promote spiritual and emotional health. They stem from God’s truth, found in His Word, His promises to us, and our identity in Jesus Christ. Exercising boundaries is not as easy as “leaving” the abusive situation, but they are is necessary to live a life of freedom, healing, and wholeness. Further assistance from the chains of abuse may mean:
Confiding in someone
Seeking professional help
Rebuilding your identity in Christ
Seeking outside intervention and assistance
Personal Review Questions
Have you ever experienced conflict with others in your relationships?
Conflict of an emotional, physical, mental, verbal, or spiritual nature)
Do you feel safe in your relationships (with your spouse, siblings, parents, co-workers, classmates)?
Has anyone in your relationships ever hurt you or tried to intimidate you in a physical, emotional, verbal, sexual, or spiritual way?
If yes, when was the most recent time this has happened?
Are there any relationships or friendships in your life that you need to release for your well-being? If so, when and how will you do that?
How often does abuse happen to you? (When has abuse happened to you?)
Have you sought help?
What steps have you taken to get help?
Have those steps worked?
Do you have an action plan in place if the abuse (emotional, physical, sexual, verbal, or spiritual) happens again?
Are there any lies you believe about God’s Word, your identity in Christ, or God’s promises to you that may be influenced by feelings of abuse?
Praying for Breakthrough From Abuse
As you apply the 4 Biblical principles used to pray for freedom from abuse, know that you are partnering with the finished work of Jesus on the Cross to bring freedom and healing to your heart. The Holy Spirit is present within you as you pray, providing guidance and direction according to God's will. With this assurance, you can know that your Heavenly Father hears your prayers and that He will answer them according to the good and loving nature of His heart.
You may pray aloud, using each step below:
REALIZE: “Lord, I confess sins and feelings of abuse.” Would you show me the first time I experienced this negative influence?”
RELEASE: “Lord, please show me who I need to forgive for influencing abuse in my life? I choose to forgive (name of person) for (what they did or failed to do). It made me feel (share your painful emotions with the Lord). I release (name of person) from all harm, debt, and judgments. I choose to bless them."
“Lord, do I need to forgive myself for how I responded to this negative influence?
“Lord, am I holding a judgment or unmet expectations of You as I experience the negative influence of abuse?"
"REPENT & RENOUNCE: “I repent for every way I have partnered with abuse. In the name of Jesus Christ, I renounce my agreement with abuse and every effect it may have on my life (past, present, and future). I renounce all influences of abuse, including physical abuse, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, mental abuse, and spiritual abuse. Lord, I choose to hand abuse to You.”
RECEIVE: “Lord, what do You want to give me in exchange for the abuse I have given You?” (Ask your Heavenly Father what He wants to give you in exchange for the renounced focus area.) What truth do You want me to walk in, based on Your Word, Your promises to me, and my identity in Christ?” (Write down and give thanks for the truths that you received from the Lord!)
Scriptural Truth
“A mob quickly formed against Paul and Silas, and the city officials ordered them stripped and beaten with wooden rods. 23 They were severely beaten, and then they were thrown into prison. The jailer was ordered to make sure they didn’t escape. 24 So the jailer put them into the inner dungeon and clamped their feet in the stocks. 25 Around midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the other prisoners were listening.” (Acts 16:22-25)
“Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later.” (Romans 8:18 )
“Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? 36 (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.”) 37 No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. 38 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. 39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:35-39)
“Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, “I will take revenge; I will pay them back,” says the Lord. 20 Instead, “If your enemies are hungry, feed them. If they are thirsty, give them something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals of shame on their heads.”21 Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.” (Romans 12:19-21)
“Never harm or cheat a fellow believer in this matter. . .for the Lord avenges all such sins, as we have solemnly warned you before.” (1 Thessalonians 4:6)
You can break free from every negative influence present in your life! If you want to go deeper into the spiritual and emotional wholeness that God has for you, check out my book, Encountering Abba’s Heart, or use the purchase link below.
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