Control issues are our attempts to manipulate or change a situation or someone else’s behavior. Issues of this nature commonly form areas in our lives where the opinions of others seem to outweigh the wisdom, guidance, and direction of the Holy Spirit to us. Those who struggle with control issues are too often masterful in their manipulation skills and how they direct other people to follow their plan and succumb to their desires. Frequently, control issues will manifest themselves in two main ways:
Aggressive Control: These are ways control seekers desire to influence the actions of others in hopes of exerting authority over their livelihood and decisions. Aggressive control is displayed through such actions as negative spoke influences, physical seduction, people-pleasing comments, and even overuse of our God-given ability to remain sympathetic to painful situations.
Passive Control: These are ways in which those who seek control use their actions to exert authority over the lives and decisions of others. Passive control is displayed through actions such as the absence of life-giving conversations, emotional actions that convey anger and volume, unkind facial expressions and vocal extensions or signs, and withdrawing support and emotional connection when it is most needed.
In many ministry sessions, I have witnessed breakthroughs come to those who experience the influence of control issues. This happens as they follow several target steps in receiving freedom and emotional healing from this negative influence.
1. Identity: Through identifying the areas where control issues have occurred, we are partnering with God’s freedom for change and healing. It is impossible to experience a breakthrough when we fail to shed light on the behaviors we see as concerning and controlling. Examples of these behaviors could be overdependence, asking for too much support, threatening self-harm to remain, abandonment, or becoming aggressive when opinions are challenged.
2. Take Wise Responsibility: It is important to know that the person who may be controlling toward you always wants something from you in hopes that you will feel overly responsible for them. Freedom from this unhealthy negative influence means taking full responsibility for our lives by submitting our emotions, behaviors and lives to Jesus as Savior and Lord.
3. Enforce Proper Boundaries: A lack of proper boundaries in our lives will always result in emotional pain, wounding, and areas of spiritual limitation. Practicing proper boundaries means asking “how much can I give, not how much the other person may be asking to take.” An example of proper boundaries may be, “I am unable to grant you the help you need. I think it may be helpful if you spoke with a pastor or counselor. I do not want to talk about that right now, as it means I have to choose sides.”
Freedom and emotional healing from control issues ultimately happen as we embrace a healthy relationship that glorifies God and remains dependent on Him to meet our deepest needs. As we resolve to trust Him in every way, we will release control of life’s circumstances and rely on His Spirit to guide us through each interaction and decision that yields to pleasing Him first.
Questions to Ask:
Have you ever thought about where the need to control things in your life comes from?
Did you ever have a negative experience with others controlling you from your childhood? (Describe them.)
How do you respond to situations you cannot control?
Have you ever sought to extend control over the external circumstances of your life?
Do feelings of anxiety, loss of control, or worry about others bother you? If so, how?
How often over the last 6 months have you felt as though your emotions or your life were out of your control?
How confident have you been feeling about your capabilities to accomplish the goals in your life?
Are there any lies you are believing about God’s Word, your identity in Christ, or God’s promises to you that may be influenced by control issues?
Connected Influences: Control through denial, intimidation, passivity, withdrawal, people pleasing, appeasement, enabling, manipulation, silence, body shaming, eating disorders.
Scriptural Truth:
“Who can command things to happen without the Lord’s permission? 38 Does not the Most High send both calamity and good?” (Lamentations 3:37-38)
“He Lord of Heaven’s Armies has sworn this oath: “It will all happen as I have planned. It will be as I have decided.”(Isaiah 14:24)
“What is the price of two sparrows—one copper coin? But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it. 30 And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. 31 So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows.” (Matthew 10:29-31)
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” (2 Timothy 1:7)
“Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way.” (James 3:2)
How to Pray for Breakthrough from Control Issues:
You may pray aloud, using each step below:
REALIZE: "Lord, I confess (negative influence) is an area that limits my walk with You. Would You show me the first time I experienced this?"
RELEASE: "Lord, who I need to forgive for influencing this in my life. I choose to forgive (name of person) for (what they did or failed to do). It made me feel (share your emotions with the Lord). I release them from any debt they owe me and repent for judging them. I choose to bless them."
"Lord, do I need to forgive myself for how I responded to this negative influence?”
"Lord, am I holding onto judgment or unmet expectations of You because of this negative influence?"
REPENT & RENOUNCE: "I repent partnering with (negative influence). In the name of Jesus Christ, I renounce my agreement with (negative influence). I choose to hand this to You.”
Lord, I also renounce my agreement with (any connected negative influences).
RECEIVE: "Lord, what do You want to give me in exchange for the negative influence I have given You?"
What truth do You want me to walk in, based on Your Word, Your promises to me, and my identity in Christ?" (Write down and give thanks for the truths that you received from the Lord!)
You can break free from every negative influence present in your life! If you want to go deeper into the spiritual and emotional wholeness that God has for you, check out my book, Encountering Abba’s Heart, or use the purchase link below.
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